Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
