Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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