let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
