Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
