her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I need to align my fucking chakras
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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