If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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