when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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