your room smells of hookers.
And success
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I am never drinking with the goths again.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
