The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Are we still banned from the library?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
