Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Sober January is a disaster.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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