Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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