Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
