we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize