I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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