Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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