I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize