i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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