You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
