My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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