I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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