i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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