i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
