I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
