I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
