I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
