Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Your penis caused this!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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