I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
