So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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