So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
