Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
