Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
