After last night, I could never be a politician.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She bit a glass in half.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
