Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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