I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
