I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
