my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
organizing the empties. That sober.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
