dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
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If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
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I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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