i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
