he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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