allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
