i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
