can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Green mimosas i think yes
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
