By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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