don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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