No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
