God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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