honey bunches of taint.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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