i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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