you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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