We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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