So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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