I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I need to calm my uterus...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
