these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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