I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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