so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize