So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
