I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
