Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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