Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
