I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize