I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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