I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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