Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just pee around me
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
