Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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