Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
