how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
another moral hangover. fuck.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
