He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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