i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
