Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
