I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
