Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
