How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
