my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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