Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
