i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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